Batman is Good with Cats

It’s Monday and I’m T minus six days from take-off. All I can think about right now is how I am going to do this moving thing. The big day is quickly approaching and I’ve done a lot already but I don’t feel nearly ready to go. The cats would disagree. Every day they have fewer furniture items to leave their fur on. I gave away their cat carriers today though and they didn’t seem too concerned. They hated those things. They haven’ figured out that the new metal box in the living room that they’ve been laying in is an animal crate. I’m lulling them into a false sense of security with it.  I hope it turns into a real sense of security. I want them to feel safe. I also plan to drug them.

Moving is hard enough but doing it with animals is even harder. At least if you actually like your pets. Which I do. (If you don’t like your pets, you can just ship them freight. And you are a terrible person.) I have two plus days of driving while pulling a trailer with three cats in the car. I am a little stressed about this prospect. Even with sedatives, I am very concerned about the stress that this will put on the kitties. And on me.  As the designated driver, I don’t get sedatives.

I hope the cats continue to drink water and poop in appropriate locations. The vet said they’re a little overweight so I am less worried about them eating on the road. It occurs to me that I am moving a cat’s toilet in my car. It’s the one time when I am forced concede that dogs are easier than cats.  If only I could train my cats to walk on a leash. Anyone who claims this is possible is either a liar or delusional. Or a delusional liar. Or Batman.

Now that I think about it, Batman’s help would really come in handy. Not only does he have a lot of useful gadgets and powerful vehicles, but he really has a way with felines. He took care of Halle Berry and Michelle Pfiepher well enough. How do you spell Phipher? Pfiper? I had a cat named Piper. It’s Pfeiffer. I Googled it. Anyway, Batman knew how to handle unruly cats. Unfortunately, I think I’m going to have to deal with these three little kitties without super-heroic intervention.

In summation, as long as they don’t decide to mutiny on the road, we should be okay. Cats are terrible drivers, especially when they’re on drugs.