Keeping it Simple, Turkey Sandwich Style

So, here we are at another Friday. It’s the last day of classes for the semester and finals are next week. The students may be stressed, but for instructors like me, it’s coasting towards the finish line. I will grade final essays next week, but in all honesty, if my students haven’t figured it out by now, well, let’s just say that you can’t pull off a “hail Mary” in English class. I have yet to read a final essay that changed my entire outlook on a student’s performance through the whole semester. School isn’t like TV. Learning is more about gradual change than it is about dramatic plot twists right at the end. So, the mantra for today is “keep it simple.” Sometimes the best course of action is to not make things complicated. Wishing for piles of money or fame and excitement is just asking for trouble. Today, I just want a sandwich.

I’m going to pull a Homer Simpson and make a wish that can’t backfire. I wish for a turkey sandwich. I don’t want any zombie turkeys, and I don’t want to be turned into a turkey myself. I just want it to have some lettuce and a little mustard, with a bit of Swiss on some good bread, and if the turkey is a little dry, I swear to the powers of the turkey sandwich-granting gods that I will curse them forever. Just give me a nice quiet day with a nice turkey sandwich.

My cat has this simplicity thing down. She’s sitting in the window watching a bird outside. She keeps glancing at me like “Oh…look at that! Please can I go out there and eat its face??? PLEASE!!????” Her mood is like mine today, which is to say, in the moment and interested in eating a bird. It is the worst possible mood for getting anything done: squirrelly. I really just want a turkey sandwich, not to sit here and write about how everything is terrible. Everything IS terrible, but I feel good, a bit peckish, but good. Who am I kidding? I’m sure I’ll eff that up any second now. I will be heading to campus soon, after all. Yes, I have a cynically positive outlook on life today. I should try to enjoy the simple things today. Like turkey sandwiches.

I don’t have much to complain about at the moment (except for my lack of meat and cheese on rye.) People watch television for the drama, not the business as usual. Can you imagine a show where the whole premise is just some random person getting up in the morning, having  coffee, going to work, having a simple lunch, doing some errands, maybe paying a few bills, coming home, watching a little TV, and going to bed? Dullsville would be the name of the show and it would be cancelled after two episodes. But honestly, isn’t that what most of us strive for? A dull and predictable life with no major traumas to upset the balance? Maybe a nice vacation to the beach once in a while, but for the most part, stability is preferable to chaos. Unless you’re like me, then you want to get in there and monkey with the works. I am a meddler. I meddle. I get bored easy. I need distraction. It’s why I joined the army. I didn’t have enough to do while I was working on my Ph.D. Stable job, good career? I quit. I’m going to New Orleans.

So, that’s why I am feeling squirrelly today. All is well and I am not particularly busy or distracted by troubling news. I need a bit of an upset in my life—an unexpected something to disrupt my boring routine. I think a lot of people get this way—that’s probably why people drink beer on Fridays. I’m not a Friday beer drinker, so I have to get inventive. Yesterday, I got a new tattoo. Today I’m going in search of the perfect turkey sandwich. Tomorrow? Who knows. Maybe I will attempt to take over the world. Or play video games all day. That seems more likely. World domination takes more planning. I still don’t have enough robot minions for that.

In summation, enjoy your simple turkey sandwich life today.