The Gay Agenda Finally Revealed!

I learned a new word yesterday: “Gaystapo.” I discovered it in the comments section of an article on the Supreme Court’s current debate about marriage equality. I know I’ve warned about the dangers of reading the comments section but I just couldn’t help myself. The article was about a conservative Christian group’s demand (demand!) that two of the liberal justices recuse themselves from the debate taking place. They’re concerned that Elena Kagan and the Notorious RBG (yes, just those two women) are biased in favor of equality.  HAHAHA. Wait, what? Crap, I think they’re serious.

So, some douche-nozzle referenced the agenda of the “gaystapo” in his comments about “what’s wrong with America” or some other rant. Honestly, I started skimming when I hit the word “gaystapo.” Apparently, "big gay" (WTF does that even mean?) is now affiliated with the Femi-Nazi party and has its own branch of the military. Awesome, when do we get our uniforms? Those things are gonna be on fleek because in addition to applying pressure to the Supreme Court, the “gaystapo” also controls the fashion industry. The Lesbo Luftwaffe will soon take to the skies and begin a calculated airborne assault on the sanctity of marriage. Their agenda? Drop some serious F-bombs. Don’t even get me started on the agenda for dealing with the GOP congressman from Texas who said that the Baltimore riots are happening because of gay marriage. We’ve got more than F-bombs in our arsenal.

Seriously, whoever is disseminating the word “gaystapo” please stapo. Your casual slur is not only a propaganistc tool that subtly and wrongly suggests that a traditionally marginalized group has somehow gained (imaginary) political and social power to effect some secretive destruction of capitalism and democracy, which you, for some reason, feel personally threatened by, but it also demonstrates total ignorance and disregard for people actually hunted by Nazis during the holocaust, many of whom were LGBTQ identified. Yes, you dear bigot, have managed to negate the very real and terrifying experience of actual victims of Nazi hatred and murder with a single word. Your casual use of the word “gaystapo” disrespects the memory of people actually tortured and killed during the holocaust. Shame on you.

The bigots spreading this propagandistic hyperbolic nonsense are the same folks terrorizing ignorant conservative voters with the fairy-tale notion that there is a “gay agenda” and it somehow involves destroying the sanctity of straight-identified people’s marriages. I honestly don’t even understand how this would be accomplished. Seriously, can someone explain it because I really don’t get it. How does one couple’s marriage have any impact on another couple’s marriage? Also, my personal agenda is to get my laundry done and clean out the cat box. Clearly, I am a big threat—there are some powerful odors coming off of the piles of dirty clothes and cat poop.

The hypocrisy on the part of these religious groups to demand that the two justices step down temporarily from a secular (secular!) court proceeding because those justices don't share their religious beliefs of the religious group is...well, I think hypocritical is the correct word choice. Here’s the deal: if groups who purport to be about small government and religious liberty are as concerned about freedom from “big” special interest groups with money and political power as they claim, I suggest they turn their attention to the pharmaceutical and tobacco industries. These are two very organized, well-funded corporate power structures that are actually influencing legal decisions at the federal level, and those decisions have a direct impact on Joe Average for whom these religious and conservative groups claim to be speaking. Also, big pharm and big tobacco actually do have an agenda and it stinks way more than my laundry room.

In summation, if conservative Christian groups are really worried about the imaginary agendas of LGBTQ people and the supposed bias of the Supreme Court justices, I can’t help but wonder if they also believe that there are monsters in their bedroom closets. Take that as you will.