Computers are trying to destroy me. After a loss of internet for two full days, it was restored last Friday, and I discovered that the wireless card in my laptop, much like the psychotic control software created by Cyberdyne Systems, had become “unstable.” I must now switch back and forth between the card and an Ethernet cable if I want to have uninterrupted internet access. Then, on Saturday, I bought a brand new printer with the express goal of printing a specific file. I got the whole thing home, set up, and configured only to discover I had no printer paper. I stuck old lined notebook paper in the doggone thing and hit print. It kicked out eight blank pages because of course it did. Yesterday, I kept getting firewall warnings about phishing attempts and thought I might have gotten a virus. Today, I could not access the internet. For some reason Chrome had become unstable and I had to uninstall and reinstall it. None of this was even Comcast’s fault or anything. I am now completely paranoid that my entire computer system is about to take a big dump. Maybe I should back up my files.
Trying to get something done but being unable to because the technology doesn’t work is pretty infuriating. I haven’t had this much consistent trouble with a complicated system since George W. Bush was in charge of FEMA. Even though I have found some half-way functional work-arounds to the problems (mostly) I am still worried that something catastrophic is about to happen. Perhaps these are the early warning signs that Skynet is about to become self-aware and launch a nuclear attack on humanity. Where is Linda Hamilton when you need her? Seriously, where is she? She hasn’t made a decent movie since the 90’s. And I am not counting her uncredited voice work in 2009’s Terminator Salvation. Because that movie was a giant WTF entry into an already effed up temporal paradox storyline. Does anyone actually understand what was supposed to have happened in that version of the timeline? Also, Christian Bale is a d!ck to directors of photography.
So my laptop is now Skynet. Or is it HAL from the movie 2001: A Space Odyssey? It does have a camera and may be reading my lips. Either way, it’s become annoyingly difficult to use at times because of… I don’t know…Florida’s weather patterns or something. I spend as much time farting around with the technology as I do with getting the actual work done. Since my future self has not seen fit to send a T-800 (or even a naked dude) back in time to protect me from this technological chaos, I am forced to improvise. The jury-rigging stretched out all over my house is turning my life into that episode of The X-Files where the computer nerd in the trailer gets swallowed up by his own computer. It wasn’t even that good of an episode.
In summation, “unstable” is never a good diagnosis for humans or computers, my future self is really dropping the ball in this timeline of events, and I may need to invest in some new tech.