The North Korea of ISPs Want to Wish Me a Great Day

If my previous ISP was Commander Data, my current ISP is Lore. No, that’s not true—Lore was actually intelligent. More like B-4. Why do I say this? Because I called Comcast to report a service problem and they hung up on me. Of course I got an automated voice rather than a real person. They attempted to reset my modem remotely, said it was “taking longer than usual” then said “Thank you for calling Comcast. Goodbye.” and disconnected the call. I still don’t have internet. Jerks. God, they are the worst. How can they even be a company? They still haven’t credited my account the $10 they overcharged, which was supposed to have been taken care of by now.

My brother might refer to them as Con-cast. There are people in this housing community that actually bought into their scam and spent I-don’t-know-how-much money on a Comcast home security system. The sales rep tried to pedal that garbage to me too. It was a serious high-pressure sales tactic. I imagine it scared some people into shelling out for a useless service. I don’t trust Comcast to provide me with reliable internet access; I’m certainly not going to trust them with my home’s security. Also, why does a cheap-@$$ mobile home inside of a low-rent housing community need a high tech security system?

I told the sales rep (during her pressurized speech) that I didn’t have anything worth stealing. She kept trying to convince me I did. Wouldn’t it be terrible if my family heirlooms were stolen? What? This was a phone conversation with a person I’d never met and who had never been to my house. What is wrong with this company? They are truly without ethics. Or human emotions. They might be one of Asimov’s androids gone wrong. Also, my “family heirlooms” consist of hand-me-down clothes and Tupperware.

I began to wonder if the sales rep was actually a burglar and works for Comcast as a front for casing homes and getting the layout of potential targets. Well, she did eventually come to my house to “hook up my service” and got to see for herself how little of value I actually have. I am so suspicious of her and her entire company since the one service I actually want from them seems to be the thing they suck at the hardest.

So, I am waiting the designated half-hour for the modem to reset (which I suspect will be a waste of 30 minutes) before I call back and get some additional runaround from their automated system. It’s been 29 minutes and so far nothing has happened except the lights on the modem are flickering to let me know my power is on. I’m sure the automaton will ask me to verify that the modem is plugged in to a power source. So helpful. Maybe they will even suggest I plug my computer directly into the modem with an Ethernet cable. That will eat up some time. Is this how they limit bandwidth use? Perhaps this is actually their SOP for limiting access.

*Musical interlude*

After being on hold for a ridiculous amount of time with an obsequious service representative, his conclusion is “there’s a problem that is Comcast’s fault” (duh!) which he is unable to resolve. A technician will need to come to my house. The earliest they can come is Friday. I am without internet access (again) for two days, until the tech comes and pretends to fix it. They’ve promised to credit me for the two days I was without service. According to the rep, I’m the “best part of Comcast.” That’s because I’m the only part that works.

In summation, today’s vitriol brought to you by free coffee house wi-fi. Good to the last drop.