The Twisted Game of Duck-Duck-Password

Stupid automated password reset programs don’t work right. I spent all morning trying to log into my account for something benign and couldn’t get my password to work. I clicked reset and got a message saying my temporary password had been sent to me. Well, sent where? I haven’t received that email. I could check this task off my to-do list if only I could log in to the stupid website. These things are never easy. I’m being pecked to death by the ducks of the internet.

All of this automated stuff that’s set up for our convenience is often more of a problem than the old way of doing things. I’d have been done already if I wasn’t relying on the new “streamlined” system. And by old way, I mean email. Email is the old way. I don’t remember what people did before email. Stone knives and bear skins, I recon. If you get that reference, you are a gigantic nerd. Also, you have good taste.

So, I could have finished this job hours ago with email but instead I’m supposed to use the website with my ID and password, which doesn’t work. I have to attach a document, either to an email or via the upload. I’ve determined that the upload system is actually much faster for people on the other end because they don’t waste their precious time reading my email. I understand their ten seconds of time are quite valuable. They have to read the document either way so those ten extra seconds really add up. Except I am going to waste a lot more than ten seconds of their time when they have to troubleshoot why the stupid upload doesn’t work. Also, when they spend half an hour on hold with tech support they’ll wonder why I didn’t just email it too.

I thought the hard part was done: preparing the document. But that was the easy part. The hard part is agonizing over how long to fart around with the upload before I give up and spend an hour composing a somewhat apologetic email about why I haven’t submitted the document and beg for assistance and directions. At least I don’t have to use a typewriter. I don’t remember my ID or password for that.

I find that the best solution for problems is dealing with real people (despite the fact that I generally dislike “people” on the whole). Although I eventually figure out how to solve most problems, those things are solved more quickly with help. My clicking the same button over and over with the same result is a waste of bandwidth. Also, it aggravates my carpal tunnel.

My question is this: how secure is this stupid automated thing anyway? I doubt that anyone is trying to steal my identity on this particular website given that no identifying data beyond my name is there. The site does not collect financial information or social security numbers. I understand that security is required sometimes, but other times it seems like websites just create cyber security protocols to be like the other cool kids. I was never one of the cool kids so I guess I resent it.

In summation, I sound like a grumpy old man, but really, who can blame me. Maybe I have no concept of how important internet security is, even for generic websites. Can’t I just send a carrier pigeon?