There’s a recipe on The Mary Sue right now for Tuskan Raider cookies. By Tuskan Raider cookies, I mean cookies in the shape of Tuskan Raiders, not a recipe developed by that clan of Tatooine desert dwellers. (Tuskan Raiders are make-believe, silly.) And by recipe, I mean that they tell you how to decorate Pepperidge Farms’ Milano cookies to look like Tuskan Raiders. If you don’t know what Tuskan Raiders are, then why are you even here? Sand People. They’re the Sand People from Star Wars, okay? Can I get back to the cookies now?
These Tuskan Raider cookies are actually adorable and look delicious. They are also not that complicated. The article even provides the name of the Raider that attacked Luke Skywalker in the Jundland Wastes, should you wish to name your cookies before you devour them. It’s URoRRuR’R’R, which I actually already knew because I am a huge nerd. Seriously, I had the “Star Wars Collectible Card Game” rare card of him. There’s also a wiki online devoted entirely to the Star Wars universe where you can learn additional names for your cookies, should you like. It’s called Wookieepedia because of course it is. According to Wookieepedia, Tuskan Raiders are not human and may share an ancestry with Jawas. Your training in Sand People anthropology is now complete, young Padawan.
Anyway, the cookies. They’re peanut butter frosted because nothing says Sand People like peanut butter, I guess. Also, their mouths are made of chocolate frosting and they have chocolate chip eyes. The various tubes and head spikes are made from almond slivers. These cookies are probably a bad idea if you have a nut allergy. The Mary Sue suggests serving them with a tall glass of Bantha milk. I can’t imagine what that would taste like. Warm elephant milk, I’m guessing.
If you search Google for Star Wars cookies, you will find hundreds of images of adorably adorned baked goods featuring Han, Leia, the droids, some aliens (R2-D2, Ewoks—they’re all there!) but most of them are simple head shaped sugar cookies with pre-printed fondant images stuck on them. The Tuskan Raider cookies stand out as three dimensional deliciousness from the planet Tatooine. I’m imagining the birthday party of little URoRRuR’R’R Jr. begging for seconds on Bantha ice cream.
Themed food is so much fun, but I can’t help wondering who has time for that? On what occasion would one make Tuskan Raider cookies? They’re a bit high brow for a kid’s birthday, and a bit esoteric for the church potluck. Maybe George Lucas has a personal chef who just gets paid to make all his food look like characters from the heyday of his career. The last chef was fired for serving Jar Jar Tartare.
In summation, decorating food like movie aliens sounds like a good time but I am lazy and will end up eating the Milanos right out of the package sans the pretzel Gaffi sticks.